Duality
by LoveChilde
Summary: Same old same old- post season 5, Marcus returns. Angst, sex and babies will ensue. Sequel to Begining of Happiness. Rating subject to change.
1. Default Chapter

Marcus  
  
(A/N: Me again. This is sort of the continuation of The Beginning of Happiness, set, as will become very clear soon, in a post season 5 AU. This story ignored A Call for Arms and Crusade, but elements from any of the novels, most importantly To Dream in the City of Sorrows, may appear. Rated R for a reason, but will not become so until way later. They all belong to JMS, TNT and whoever else owns them and is not me. I'll dust them off before I return them.)  
  
At first there was only darkness and heaviness. He'd been so lightheaded right before the end, floating away, and now he felt too heavy to move. Gradually, though, over a time somewhere between a second and an eternity, other senses returned. He could hear something- not the buzz and drone of machinery. He still couldn't open his eyes. Someone was chanting over him in Minbari. Was he dead? Back in Tuzanor training, in a ritualistic hell? He had no idea. Too sluggish to even panic, he allowed the sound to flow over him, sensations oozing slowly into his returning consciousness. He was flat on his back, lying on something fairly hard, wearing...something unfamiliar, but definitely dressed. The chant resolved itself into a simple meditation tune. The air was dry and cool, but not cold. If only he could open his eyes...He tried to wriggle his toes. It hurt. The chanting stopped.  
  
"Don't move yet, Little Ranger." A deep voice spoke in Minbari. "And don't try to talk yet, either. You've been still a long time, and need to get used to your body again."  
  
Long time? Memories returned last, and with them- wait, he was supposed to be dead. And if he was- why was heaven in Minbari? And if he wasn't...Oh, Valen's Name, Susan! His eyes shot open and he found voice enough to groan in pain at the bright light. Something covered his face, shielding him.  
  
"Never listen, you young things." The voice complained, "Let that be a lesson. Now stay still, for your sake and mine." There was little else he could do. The cover was gone, but his eyes were closed again. "Now, just in case you have forgotten, your name is Marcus Cole, and you are a human and a Ranger. My name, since we have not been formally introduced, is Draal."  
  
Draal. He'd heard of him- Guardian of the Great Machine on Epsilon 3. Were they there, or on Babylon 5, or was he dead anyway? "'M I dead?" He croaked, his voice alien to his ears.  
  
"Not quite, but you were very close for a long time, as you humans count it."  
  
Not dead. Well, on some levels that was good. On others- "Susan?"  
  
"Is fine, Little Ranger. Your crazy trick with the machine worked, which just proved that the universe is a hopeless romantic." Draal said. Marcus could feel tears gather and slide out under closed lids. She was alive, after all. "There, now, I'll never understand you humans, not if I watch for a thousand years. You should be happy, Little Ranger."  
  
He was, but far too tired to explain it. Secure that, for the moment, she was alive and so was he, by some miracle, Marcus allowed darkness to claim him once again.  
  
He woke up to another bright light, and managed to roll away from it this time. He was far less heavy, and didn't hurt nearly as much as before. He blinked a few times and the light settled into muted reds and browns. An unfamiliar face appeared, but the voice and the bone-crest identified him easily.  
  
"You're a stubborn one, aren't you? Eager to move. Oh, for the energy of youth. Take your time- you've got plenty of it now." Draal smiled. Marcus, still fuzzy, pushed himself up into a sitting position by bracing against a convenient cave wall. He was stiff all over, and felt about as strong as a wet noodle.  
  
"How, why and how long?" He rasped, confused.  
  
"Here." Draal gestured to the ground, where a mug of water rested on a rock. "Drink this first. Slowly, please."  
  
Marcus had rarely been more grateful for water, but his throat constricted around the first mouthful and he spent the next moment spluttering and choking. He tried again, taking tiny sips this time, and emptied the mug slowly. "Thank you. Now, how, why, and how long?"  
  
"How did you come to be here? By shuttle, I suppose. Zathras brought you in. Why? Because some of your friends were unwilling to give up hope that you might recover, and asked for my help in bringing you back to life with the Great Machine, which I gladly provided. As for how long-"Draal thought for a long while, letting Marcus think up nightmare scenarios in which everybody he'd known and loved were long dead, "Just over an Earth year."  
  
Relief swept over him, calming his fears. A year wasn't really that much. "Is the war over?"  
  
"On Earth, yes. On Minbar as well, though there have been several conflicts between worlds in the past year." Draal gave him a quick, not very thorough rundown on recent galactic events, finishing with the Alliance moving to Minbar.  
  
"Sheridan's president? I thought he hated politics. So there's no one left on the station?" Marcus was just on the edge of feeling sorry for himself. Draal huffed.  
  
"On the station, no one you know, but you have friends on several worlds, even if they thought you dead all year. They'll be quite delighted."  
  
"Oh." Marcus leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. "It's going to take me a while to get used to the idea of being alive again. Was I really dead?"  
  
"Not entirely, but you were close enough that all scanners and tests read you as dead. Some stubborn part of your soul clung on to life, though, and Delenn had your cryo-tube sent here to see what the Machine could do to heal you. It's taken all year, and you're still closer to death than you should be. Rest now. When you're stronger, Zathras will take you wherever you choose to go."  
  
"Right." Without much thought, between one breath and the next, Marcus was asleep. Draal looked at him for a long moment, smiled, then called out, "Zathras! Zathras!"  
  
"Yes?" One of them appeared around a corner. Draal indicated the sleeping Ranger.  
  
"Watch over him, and make sure there's proper food around when he wakes up. Human food, Zathras- get it on the station if you must. And get the shuttle ready to leave in a day or two." Draal's image glowed gold for a second, then faded away. Zathras clicked his tongue.  
  
"Zathras do, Zathras get, Zathras prepare...Zathras fly all over galaxy, but Zathras rest? No, never that."  
  
Three days later, according to Draal, Marcus felt steady enough on his feet to face the outside world. Draal agreed that he should contact Delenn before deciding where he should go next. His Ranger uniform, kept in storage by Draal for a year, hung on him loosely and made him look, in his own opinion at least, like a scarecrow. He paced the cave nervously, waiting for the connection to come through. Finally he looked at Draal's physical form, connected to the Machine. "Could you tell her? Just, break it to her gently? I don't want to shock her."  
  
"If you insist." The hologram shimmered into being and drifted down to the floor. "If my sources are correct, shocking her could lead to trouble. Speaking of trouble, why are you calling Delenn rather than the lady of your heart?"  
  
Marcus looked down, "I can't- not yet, at least. And she's not the lady of my anything."  
  
"Tell it to someone who'll believe it, Little Ranger." Draal chuckled. "It's connecting- you might want to step back." Marcus moved out of the screen's reach and watched, heart in mouth, as Draal waited for the connection. Suddenly the guardian winced, giving him a slightly embarrassed look, "Perhaps we should have waiting with the call."  
  
"Why?" Marcus asked as the screen cleared, showing a sleep-rumpled, yawning and blinking Sheridan.  
  
"Because it's just about the fourth hour after midnight on Minbar." Draal explained, 'I'm terribly sorry, Mr. President, but I need to talk to Delenn immediately."  
  
"Draal? Never thought I'd see you again. Is this urgent?"  
  
"I would've waited until morning if it was not, Mr. president."  
  
"Are you sure? I'd hate to wake her up." Sheridan looked behind him, "Never mind, too late. There she is." Delenn appeared, looking quite different from her usual neat self. While Marcus gaped at the leader of the Rangers with her hair a mess, wearing a fairly daring nightgown and most astonishingly pregnant, she inquired, "John, who is it?"  
  
"Friend of yours." The president of the Interstellar Alliance grumbled. "I'm going back to bed."  
  
"Draal." Delenn rested her hands on her hips, "I hope this is important." She looked distinctly irritated.  
  
"Of course it is, Delenn. You don't really think I'd wake you up in the middle of the night for nothing in your condition."  
  
"My condition nothing, old friend. What is it?" Delenn sat down on the corner of a desk as Marcus processed this new information- Sheridan and Delenn were living together, probably married- yes, he could see a ring- and she was pregnant. Draal hadn't mentioned that .How incredible.  
  
"A year ago, Delenn, you left a package in my care." Draal started, "I believe it is about ready for delivery."  
  
Delenn said nothing for a few minutes, hand pressed against her mouth as her eyes filled with wonder. "Marcus?" She whispered at last.  
  
"Yes, Marcus. It took a long time, but he's back on his feet, more or less. No lasting damage as far as my limited knowledge can tell."  
  
"Is he- does he remember?" Tears shown in Delenn's eyes, "Is he there?"  
  
"Here." When he found it, Marcus' voice cracked, "I'm here." He moved into the screen's view and bowed, "Greetings, Entil'Zha." Formality helped.  
  
"Greeting, Ranger." She replied- apparently it was helping her too. "Marcus...It's good to see you. I almost lost hope..."  
  
"You, Delenn? Never." Draal interrupted, "I know you could stare at each other all night now, so allow me to drag you back down to reality. How soon do you want him home?"  
  
"As early or as late as he'd like, of course." Delenn came back to herself, "If you wish to come at all, that is."  
  
"Of course I do." Marcus wasn't entirely sure of that, but it was the only viable option as he saw it. He'd been ready to die, and being alive after all that was strange, almost scary. Minbar was a safe, familiar place to go. Were they all angry with him? Was Susan? Did anybody even remember him after all that had happened? "As soon as possible." He added. Better to get it over with fast. Once they've kicked him out of the Rangers, he'd figure something out. "Delenn-"He started, then glanced at Draal. Not now. "There's a lot to catch up on."  
  
"Yes." She nodded, practically glowing, "Leave as soon as you're strong enough, then. I'll get things ready for you here."  
  
"Right." He nearly forgot the second most important thing. Several things were missing from his personal belongings. "Just- where is my pin? And my fighting pike?" He felt naked without them.  
  
"They're safe." Delenn said guardedly, obviously not letting on as much as she knew. "You'll have them back in good time."  
  
"Delenn, where are they?" Marcus didn't have the patience for the art of Minbari conversation right now.  
  
"I'd rather not say yet, Ranger Cole." There was a firmness in Delenn's voice that made any further arguing unthinkable. "You'll find out when you come here."  
  
"Fine." He turned away, irrationally upset at her curtness. "I'll be there in about a week."  
  
"We'll be waiting. Good night." The connection ended, anmd Marcus started pacing again, stomping his feet and swearing under his breath.  
  
"You are upset, Little Ranger." Draal observed sardonically.  
  
"Of course I'm upset!" Marcus paced faster. "I was dead! I made my peace with the universe, got ready for a noble sacrifice, acted like a total idiot and now I'm here again, not dead! How am I supposed to handle that?"  
  
"I don't know." The old Minbari actually seemed amused by his plight, "but I rather doubt stomping and yell is how. Listen to me, Little Ranger- was your sacrifice for a good cause?"  
  
"Yes." of that he was sure. He'd much rather have died than lived in a world where she was dead, and the war needed her far more than it needed him, anyway. "It was for a good cause. But they're going to be so angry...You're not supposed to have to explain why you killed yourself after the fact!"  
  
"No, I don't imagine you are, but you Humans are resourceful beings. You'll think of something, I'm sure." Draal tried to pat him on the back, but his holographic hand went right through, tingling as it passed. "I saw Delenn- she wasn't angry."  
  
"Not yet, but she has a full week to think about it now." Marcus said despondently. "They always get angry when they've had a while to get used to the idea." It also gave him a week to work himself into a state over it.  
  
"Then we should make an effort to get you there faster, shouldn't we? You don't need to pack- I'll make sure Zathras has the shuttle ready. In the meantime," Draal started to fade away, "meditate." 


	2. Susan

Susan  
  
(A/N: Part the second, gearing up to the Big Moment. Still not mine, still going on with a good head of steam. More later in the week.)  
  
It had been a long, hard year in Deep Space, and Susan Ivanova, Earthforce Captain, was bone tired. It wasn't the near-trance state of the end of the War, but simply the growing fatigue of over twelve months in the tedium of life with only 1500 other people, all of them under her command, and on four hours of sleep a night if she was lucky. After these twelve months, though, she could honestly say she had a good ship and had reached a comfortable understanding with the crew, and that they'd finally worked out the kinks, both technical and personal, and settled into a smooth cruising mode. It would almost be a shame to leave them.  
  
But leave them she would, Susan thought as she handed control of the bridge to the night shift and retired to her quarters. After a year on board, most of the crew still wasn't sure what to think of her, and she was uncomfortable with the situation, if not with the individuals. When she'd first taken over, they didn't know what to make of her, the Voice of the Resistance, a supposed traitor turned war hero. Half of them were too awed to talk to her, and the other half thought she should've been shot. Hell, some of them still did. She had to prove herself over and over, to the crew as well as to her CO on the flagship. Which had turned out to be another problem- she wasn't as close to the top of things as she'd gotten used to. She was one of twenty other ship commanders under a full admiral, and it seemed no one at the top wanted anybody's opinion, especially not hers.  
  
Beyond all that, which as a good soldier she was willing to take, she was almost unbearably lonely. She had no one to talk to, no friends to speak of, no one she'd allowed to get close enough. It was pretty much her fault- the first few months she'd been too numb to befriend anyone, focused on the mission to the exclusion of everything else, and later it had been too late. She had a reputation, after all- almost everyone started out afraid of her for some reason or another, and stayed that way. The first person who sneered at the War in her hearing was threatened with spacing the next time he aired his opinion on the subject, and spent a week in the brig for it. People spoke less after that, but it didn't win her any fans. All year, she hadn't punched, shot or spaced a single crewmember, of course, but stories prospered regardless. Maybe she didn't mind leaving so much.  
  
She had no plans after the end of the mission. They were heading back to Earth, due in the next day. EarthGov would probably reassign her somewhere, maybe even on a single-ship mission rather than as part of a fleet, or on the ground somewhere. For the first time in fifteen years, though, she was starting to have doubts about her career. Did she want to stay? She'd seen too much, done too much, to return to a civilian life, but the blue uniform still looked out of place to her, after the black of the Alliance. She had a huge amount of time off coming, and she could take it before reassignment if nothing urgent or interesting came up. She could go back to St. Petersburg, catch up with some friends, whoever was still around, maybe even- Her thoughts were interrupted by the beeping of the comm. "Ivanova, go." She responded, irritated.  
  
"Captain, you've got an incoming message on gold channel." Her comm officer sounded surprised and impressed. The last time such a call had arrived had been six months ago, and getting messages into hyperspace was difficult and expensive, "Interstellar Alliance President's office."  
  
"No kidding? Put it through." She hastily smoothed her shirt and hair as the screen cleared to show an unfamiliar Minbari face in an all too familiar uniform that made her heart twist painfully for a moment.  
  
"Captain Ivanova? Please hold for the President."  
  
"Thank you." She said in Minbari. The Ranger's face lit up with an unexpected smile, and Susan winced. Her smile as Sheridan's face appeared was less warm than it might've been. "Can't make your own calls now, Mr. President?"  
  
"Captain." He nodded pleasantly, formally. He'd kept the beard, she saw, but otherwise wasn't changed from the last time she'd seen him, when he called six months earlier. "We've been trying to reach you all morning. I told them to call me when they finally found you." He smiled and relaxed, "Susan, it's good to see you again, even from far away."  
  
"Good to see you too, Sir." She didn't relax. Calls were hard to put through to hyperspace, and a conversation twice a year was far from enough to get comfortable with him again. She'd kept in touch with Stephen via written messages every couple of months, so she knew about most of the major events, including the Alliance HQ moving to Minbar. John wasn't just calling to see how she was. Still, she tried to be civil. "How is the Alliance? You, and Delenn?"  
  
"Fine, fine. Settling into our new place. It's very nice, very elegant." He indicated the room behind him, "You?"  
  
"I'm good. Heading back to Earth."  
  
"I know." He was more serious now, getting down to business, "That's why I called. How would you like coming here for a while, on vacation?"  
  
Susan considered this for a moment. "I'm not sure." She said thoughtfully. "I don't know." She'd been busy burying memories for a year- did she really want to unearth them all? "I'm not sure I'm up to it yet."  
  
"Oh." Sheridan seemed disappointed. "That's a shame. I thought I'd do a little reunion. Stephen's coming over in a few days, since he's made Delenn his special project."  
  
"I've heard that. Congratulations." Susan smiled more warmly, untensing despite her best efforts. It was good to see a friendly face again. Visiting Minbar was starting to sound rather tempting, even if it was Ranger Central. 'You know what, I'll ask about leave when we get to Earth, see if I can make it." It was about time she came back to life, anyway.  
  
"Excellent. I'll put in a request for you if you'd like- I've still got a bit of clout dirtside." He grinned, "We all need a bit of catching up time. Even Michael said he might make it, if business allows."  
  
Her face clouded. She hadn't had a chance to talk to Garibaldi after the entire mess of the end of the War was over, hadn't seen him at all, in fact, since before she'd ordered him shot on sight. Although the complete story had been explained to her, she wasn't sure what she'd do if she saw him again. What was there to say? "Don't bother on my account. I have so much time off I could walk to Minbar and still be on my own time." Apparently it was decided, just like that. "I'll do the paperwork right now and send it ahead, catch a passenger liner...It should probably take about a week, maybe a bit more."  
  
"We could get one of the White Stars to pick you up. Stephen as well, since he's on Earth as well at the moment." Sheridan offered. Susan paled and shook he head, "No thanks." Final decision. She wasn't setting foot on a White Star ever again, if she could help it. He nodded. "Great. Try to find Stephen though, okay?"  
  
"Want him to baby-sit me, John?"  
  
"Would I do that?" He tried to look innocent. It would've even worked, if she hadn't known him so well.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm offended, Susan. Really and truly wounded. And I have to go. See you in a week?"  
  
"Do I have a choice?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Than I guess you will, Mr. President, Sir." With a mock salute, she comm'ed off. Twenty minutes later her request was joined to the ship's outgoing message pool for the next morning. She still had to come up with some sort of farewell speech to the crew, and several reports kept her up well into the night. Sleep eluded her, and when it finally came it was haunted by dreams of Shadows and a disembodied voice talking to her, chasing her, then disappearing every time she turned to face it.  
  
The next day found her at Earthdome, after a sketchy parting speech and a formal lunch with the other ship commanders and various other officials, and with the destroyer fleet and her year aboard it behind her. When she reached her new temporary quarters in the Dome, she found two messages- one an approval for up to three months' paid leave, and the other a note from Franklin, asking her to meet him for dinner at a lakeside restaurant. She sent him an acceptance message, took lengthy advantage of her first hot water shower in thirteen months (she'd counted), changed out of uniform for the first time in ages and left the base, not intending to go back indoors until it became absolutely necessary. She spent the rest of the day under the clear, cold February sky, seeking out parks and strolling by the lake. Looking anywhere and actually seeing a horizon was almost startling after so long in space. The mountains were white with snow, though none under the Dome of course. She watched the sun set over the water, and the sight brought tears to her eyes.  
  
Stephen was waiting for her outside the restaurant, and she barely had time to acknowledge his presence before he smothered her in a hug that squeezed the air out of her. "Susan. It's good to see you."  
  
"You too." She coughed. "Been working out?"  
  
"Not really." He shrugged, finally letting her go. He looked at her with a critical doctor's eye, "You look tired. And you've lost weight."  
  
"You say that like it's a bad thing." She smiled, "Let's go inside?" It was getting cold- another thing she wasn't used to anymore.  
  
Over dinner they caught up on each other's lives. She told him about combat maneuvers, calibrations and deep space exploration, he told her about xenobiology, his research and the aliens her was working with- they bored each other entirely, but enjoyed the conversation so much it didn't matter anymore. For Susan, at least, it was the friend friendly conversation she'd had in a while. During dessert it seemed Stephen was angling towards a point, circling around without actually getting to it. It was tiring.  
  
"If you have something to say, Stephen, spit it out already." She said at least. He looked mildly guilty.  
  
"Just...How are you, really, Susan? How did you like commanding a ship? Are you-"The word 'better' hovered on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't say it.  
  
"It was interesting." She wouldn't confess how much she'd hated it at times, "Almost as insane as running a station, I guess. I'm really fine, Stephen- you can stop worrying. Hey," She added, as an afterthought, "would you believe I actually miss seeing non-human faces around?" She smirked, "Hell, the way you tell it I'm almost glad I wasn't on the station the past year. One of the biggest advantages of a limited crew mission was that I didn't even need to think of telepaths the entire year."  
  
"Good point. Bad enough that we had Michael going wild every time they came aboard, and the corps presence was getting worse and worse." Franklin kept Garibaldi's return to drinking to himself- it wasn't his story to tell, after all. "I got the impression Captain Lockley was a Corps sympathizer."  
  
"Really? Weird, but I guess in her position even I would've welcomes the Corps." She thought about it, "Well, maybe I'd have just spaced them all."  
  
"That I can believe." Stephen laughed, but he didn't stop worrying. "So, when do you want to leave?"  
  
"I don't know." She replied. "I'd love to stay for another few days- someone said there might be snow tomorrow. Do they have snow on Minbar? I haven't seen any in about a decade."  
  
"They do, but it's the wrong season where we're going and anyway, it smells funny. But it's a beautiful place, and John tells me Tuzanor's lovely this time of year. Some of the scenery's supposed to be breathtaking. You'll like it." Stephen countered. After ten weeks in Earthdome and away from Babylon 5 he'd already caught up on all the weather he missed out on, and was eager to leave to the surprise he knew they had waiting for them. John had mention someone, rather than something special, and he had his suspicions as to who it was. Also, he wanted to start working with Delenn and the Minbari doctors well before the baby came. 'There's a liner leaving tomorrow morning."  
  
"I might not take a liner." Susan declared. "I need to make a call or two- if I can pull the right favors I could rent a personal flyer and get there alone."  
  
"A week alone in hyperspace? You'll be bored crazy." Stephen argued. Besides, if his suspicions were right, she really wanted to get there fast.  
  
"I'll have plenty to do. Probably sleep most of it, catch up on news around the galaxy. I need some time to myself, Stephen." She rolled her eyes at his reluctance, "I'm a big girl- stop fussing. I'll keep in touch with you and maybe even beat you there, alright?"  
  
The doctor knew better than to argue when she was in that sort of mood. "Have it your way, but if something happens to you and Sheridan kills me, it's on your conscience."  
  
"Nothing's going to happen, doc. Trust me." Ivanova yawned and shook her head at herself, "Sorry, I've had a long day, getting everybody off board, making sure they all got to the right place. You know what it's like."  
  
"Yeah. You on base?"  
  
"Seemed silly to find a hotel for just one night." She nodded. They paid and walked out into the night, still clear and cold and full of familiar stars. "No snow tonight. Just my luck." She hugged Stephen briefly, "See you on Minbar."  
  
"Yup. Don't get lost on the way."  
  
"You shut up, before we turn this little trip into a race!"  
  
"Good night, Susan." She laughed at the exasperation in his face. She walked back to the base, enjoying the wind despite the cold. Being a captain meant that at least she had her own room, and for once she was so tired no dreams bothered her.  
  
While she was having breakfast the next day the message she waited for arrived, and two hours later she was getting off the land shuttle in Moscow. It was a busy morning and no one recognized her on the shuttle, which she was grateful. Having to hurt someone would've spoiled her vacation. Maria, an old school friend who now owned a rental company with offices on Mars and Io, met her at the terminal.  
  
"Susan? Why, look at you..." The tall, dark haired woman gushed, "I wouldn't have recognized you if you face hadn't been all over the papers last year." More hugs, greetings, catching up. Maria was married now, with three children. Susan had met her husband to be eleven years earlier, but had to endure a full half hour of the children's vids. Maria expressed her surprise to see Susan still in Earthforce, rather than starting a family and a 'normal' career, but that was an old argument, quickly put aside.  
  
"I haven't changed my mind yet- career military, probably for the rest of my life." Family? Who had time for it? And with whom, anyway? The only ones she might have considered for the position were gone, and just thinking about them now could drive her back into the darkness of depression. Better to avoid it. Maria, seeing her eyes darken, nodded and changed the subject.  
  
"So, you want to borrow a hyperspace-capable personal flyer? Are you sure?"  
  
"Rent, not borrow." Ivanova nodded. "I've got a few months off and I want to do a bit of traveling on my own time, without having to depend on commercial flights. I'm on my own time, and I want to enjoy that." she explained. Maria looked perplexed, but she was used to odd requests. "I don't need anything big, just enough room for air, fuel and rations for a week or so."  
  
"No problem." Maria started punching numbers into her comm, "One of my best, should be ready this afternoon. You could take it out tomorrow morning."  
  
"Better take it tonight, before I change my mind about going. What do I owe you?"  
  
Maria waved her credit chip away, "Nothing, Susan. Consider it a favor. Now, go and put that credit to good use- buy some fashionable clothes, you're about five years out of date."  
  
"I'm not gonna take it without paying." Ivanova insisted, ignoring the orders to shop. She'd do it anyway, but it was her idea, no one else's.  
  
"Alright. First month is on me, the rest we settle for when you return it, deal? Now go, see people, have some fun. It'll be ready by four."  
  
"Fine, fine." Susan went, staying in Moscow rather than going home for too short a time to really be worth it. It snowed all day, and the streets were full of people and transports. Earth may not be home anymore, but it was definitely a good place to be.  
  
Six days later, anywhere was a better place than inside the tiny, cramped flyer. It had an autopilot, at least, which did allow her to snatch two or three hours of sleep from which she usually woke up gasping and shivering, but hyperspace was indeed driving her crazy with boredom. She'd read books, brushed up her Minbari, raced herself and practiced insane loops and maneuvers to her heart's delight, but it was still pretty dull after a while. Requesting permission to make the jump into Minbari space was a relief. Finding two White Stars waiting for her when she got out, however, wasn't.  
  
"Captain Ivanova?" Her comm crackled to life, "We have orders from the President and Entil'Zha to see you safely down to Tuzanor." A human voice. Ranger. Ivanova frowned at the screen.  
  
"I know the way." She told him sharply, "And I don't need an escort. Don't you have anything better to do?"  
  
"We do as we are commanded." The Ranger replied in an infernally calm voice. Ivanova was pretty angry by that time, but trying to stop a Ranger on a mission was futile, and anyway her flyer didn't have weapons. She fingered the pin in her pocket and cursed the Rangers and their thrice- damned tenacity. Without a comment, she angled her flyer between the two larger ships and allowed them to direct her down to the planet surface. 


	3. InterludeMarcus

Interlude- Marcus  
  
(A/N- next part will be a while in coming, since I need to edit it a bit. They're still not mine, sadly, and they were still treated unfairly back then. Making no profit but my own enjoyment. Thank you to everyone who sent reviews- I love y'all, you make me all warm and fuzzy inside.)  
  
Marcus' return to Minbar was far quieter than some of his fellow Rangers would've liked, but far more public that he would've tolerated under different circumstances. The fact that he was greeted as a returning hero rather than as the failure he was grated on his already unstable nerves, and after ten minutes out of the shuttle he was ready to scream, run away or die all over again just to get away. Fortunately, ten minutes were all it took Delenn and Sheridan to come and sweep him away. He bowed to Delenn, then to Sheridan, in silence, afraid to speak, unable to around the choking lump in his throat. They, too, said nothing. Delenn gestured for him to follow her through the winding corridors and open courtyards that made up the main complex, and into her private office. He did his best to ignore the awed looks and whispers that trailed in their wake, but still took a moment to savor the silence and privacy afforded by the closed room they ended up in. Once there, he stood awkwardly, waiting to be yelled at, thrown out of the Rangers, for anything other than what happened, really. Delenn hugged him, pregnancy and all, lay her head on his shoulder and drew a deep shaky breath. Which quite effectively ruined any hope he had of maintaining his composure. Sheridan was tactful enough to stand back and allow them to wear themselves out laughing and crying before moving in with coffee and words of welcome.  
  
"Would you believe," Delenn said an unknown while later, "that for a time I truly thought you lost?"  
  
"I thought so too." Marcus agreed. They were sitting on the couch in the office, Delenn holding Sheridan's hand in one of hers and Marcus' in the other, "I was all ready to march beyond the veil, sacrifice myself nobly and here I am again." He tried to make it a joke, but knew there was little he could hide from Entil'Zha. Her eyes registered the underlying pain in his. "What a waste."  
  
"Hardly a waste." Sheridan said. "You did bring Susan back, and since you somehow managed to survive as well, I think everyone's a winner here." Years of tension seemed to have dropped off him in the past year- or was it only the past few months away from B5 and the Human world?  
  
"Hm...I suppose so." But Marcus wasn't certain. Everything felt out of kilter. Coming back to life was going to take some getting used to. He looked at Delenn, "So, tell me everything I missed. Draal wouldn't give me any details, and, well-"He glanced at her middle, "This is a surprise." She rested the hand previously holding Sheridan's on her stomach, just now starting to show the new life growing there.  
  
"I was a surprise for us as well, but a cause of great joy to us both. Doctor Franklin should be coming to visit soon to see how I'm doing. In fact," She checked the timepiece on the wall, "His liner should dock in about three hours. He never gave up hope, you know. He's the one who helped me get you out of Medlab and down to the planet."  
  
"It'll be good to see him." Marcus nodded. "Where's everybody else?"  
  
"Garibaldi said he might arrive in a few days- he'll let us know." Sheridan supplied, "G'Kar and Lyta are exploring and far out of communication range, but we sent a message. We hope they'll get it and maybe come back. I'm sure G'Kar would like to see you again. Everybody else is busy." There was one glaring omission, but before Marcus had a chance to ask, Delenn broke into the conversation, shooting her husband a dirty look.  
  
"Captain Ivanova is also on her way, Marcus. She should arrive tomorrow or the day after." her face said Sheridan would hear more about his teasing later. "She doesn't know you're here. None of them do."  
  
"What will you tell them?" Delenn still didn't look angry, but for all his experience he couldn't read Minbari very well. And what about the others?  
  
"I think we'll let you decide that." Sheridan replied. "It's up to you whether we tell them in advance or not."  
  
"Maybe you should. It was a shock to me. The others..."  
  
"Will be overjoyed." Delenn said, sounding awfully convinced of it. Marcus wasn't nearly as certain, and it was getting harder to concentrate on anything but the growing misery roiling in his gut. Delenn, of course, caught on almost immediately. "Why are you so nervous, my friend? What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing." Marcus looked away, unable to face his leader, "Everything. I keep waiting for you to yell as me, tell me I'm a failure, and an idiot, and that you're furious with me and I'm not worthy of being a Ranger." It came out in an explosion, best to get it all over with quickly.  
  
"Marcus, look at me." Delenn said sternly. He didn't move. "Marcus Cole, are you a Ranger?" She asked, this time with the commanding force of Entil'Zha behind the words. The answer was wrenched straight out of his soul.  
  
"I am a Ranger. I live for the One, I die for the One." But the words were a lie, he realized as he said them, and there lay the problem. He'd died, not for the one, but for himself, for the woman he loved. He was a failure.  
  
"Then look at me." He finally looked up. She took both his hands in hers, "I ought to be angry. Do not think that the fact you were willing to kill yourself will go undiscussed. But you disobeyed no orders, broke no rules. You did what you did for another living creature, out of love. I can only be proud of that, and happy and grateful your sacrifice was less final than we thought. You are a man. You live and die for yourself, as well as the One." She paused, squeezing his hands to silence him when he would've spoken, "You failed no one, Marcus. Least of all me. Is that clear?"  
  
Once again Marcus found himself unable to speak. He looked down again to hide his tears. He didn't quite believe Delenn, and it only helped alleviate some of his guilt, but at least he was still a Ranger, and he still belonged, and maybe life was still worth living. "Thank you." He whispered at last. She squeezed his hands again, then let him go.  
  
"Don't thank me so fast. As soon as you're declared fit for duty I want you out in the field again." She smiled, "But not before everybody arrives."  
  
"Respectfully, Entil'Zha," He replied unsteadily, "I'll thank you whenever I want." There was genuine amusement in his eyes. She mock glared at him and he backed away, laughing, "As you say, Delenn."  
  
"Finally, he's learning." Delenn glanced at her husband. Sheridan, embarrassed by watching such a personal conversation, simply nodded.  
  
"He is, and I think he should get some rest. Come on Marcus, let's find you a room." He stood up and pulled Delenn with him. "We'll have plenty of time to talk over dinner this evening. Until then I'm sure you want to get settled in, and there are about a dozen Rangers and trainees who want to see you."  
  
"Aw hell, can't they wait?"  
  
"I doubt it. Try to be nice to them- you've become quite a legend."  
  
"Valen protect me." Marcus groaned. Facing down hordes of eager young Rangers at his current state was almost as good an idea as facing a Shadow vessel in a flying bathtub. "Fine, if they get too much I'll simply declare meditation time and send them all away." He looked down at his uniform- still presentable, but- "Delenn, where is my pin?"  
  
"Oh." Delenn wouldn't quite meet his eyes. "You pin and you pike. Captain Ivanova has them. I'm sure she'll give them back to you when she arrives." 


	4. Encounters Ivanova

4. Ivanova- Encounters

A/N: Now things start to get difficult...Poor, poor fictives, I'm being cruel to them. Thank you to all my reviewers, you make my day brighter. They still belong to JMS and Co., sadly, and I try to do right by them. Next chapter will be shorter, but after that they'll get longer and longer. And the sequel is already being written...

One thing, and one thing only, saved countless innocent Minbari from Ivanova's wrath- Minbar really was a beautiful planet. By the time the flyer finally touched down, she was absorbed in the scenery and didn't even have the heart to snap at the Ranger who came out of one of the White Stars escorting her. She was busy shaking herself out and working out the kinks in her neck when the other woman- a Minbari, spoke.

"Captain Ivanova, my name is Liann, and I'm your escort for the day, until you get your bearings. President Sheridan asked that you be shown to your quarters and from there to his office." Her black uniform and bright green pin were unsettling. Susan hated being unsettled. "He's sorry he couldn't be here himself, but there was some sort of problem and-"Susan waved her explanations away.

"I know, I know. Always a crisis. It's okay." She slung her pack on one shoulder. "Lead on."

As they walked the short distance to the living area, the Ranger kept mostly silent. As they entered the building, however, she turned to Susan. "Would you like anything to eat or drink before meeting the President?"

****Would I everA drink would help, but not yet. She had to keep a clear mind until tonight. Besides, was there any alcohol on Minbar? "Thanks, but I'd rather put my things down and go ahead and make Delenn a widow." She joked nervously. Liann looked worried and Susan could see her fingering her pike. "I'm joking." She stopped walking, irritated at the other's literal-mindedness, "I'm not really going to kill him. Promise." Under her breath, she added, "Not in front of her, at least. Not yet."

Her quarters were pleasant, a two room apartment with a real water shower and a horizontal human type bed. Someone had been very thoughtful. "It's lovely." She complimented. The Ranger nodded.

"We are expecting several human guests. And some of the Rangers' quarters were likewise converted. If you don't require anything, I think we should go."

"I'm good." Ivanova shrugged, "Let's find Sheridan." She dumped her bag on the bed and turned to leave, almost walking straight into doctor Franklin. "Stephen, what are you doing here?"

"Since I beat you here," He smiled, "I thought I should come over, make sure you survived the flight." He was happy, she noticed. Excited, almost vibrating with it.

"What are you so pleased about?" She raised an eyebrow. He gave her an odd, knowing look.

"I'm just buzzed we're all meeting again. It's been too long. I'm a bit overexcited, I guess."

"Yeah, maybe." She agreed, disbelief coloring her voice. "Come on, I've got a few choice words John really needs to hear."

"You're going like that?" Stephen eyed her flight suit with a frown. She'd left the helmet in the flyer, but was otherwise still ready for an out of atmosphere trip. She shrugged, returning his expression.

"Don't have time to change. If he had me escorted down to the damn planet, it must be too important to wait."

"Have it you way." Stephen turned to Liann, "Thank you, I'll take it from here. President's orders." The Ranger looked confused by that, but bowed wordlessly and left. They took the other direction, heading back in the direction of the spaceport. Stephen kept up a running commentary, pointing this way and that at important landmarks. "The spaceport is down that way, as you've seen, and Sheridan's office is just around the corner-"They rounded the corner and came face to face with two uniformed Rangers.

Time stopped. Ivanova stood frozen in place, not breathing, unable to move or look away. The edges of her consciousness blurred into gray, then snapped into sharp focus. Something inside her froze and shattered- it felt like a punch in the gut, sort of like the entire front of a White Star hitting you head on-

Ivanova broke away by sheer force of will, tuned calmly and started walking away. Conscious thought was put on hold as she distanced herself from the others, still standing there. She didn't run. She walked, marched, rather, right back to her flyer. Voices called to her and she ignored them, a hand grabbed her arm and she slapped it away. She climbed into the flyer and ran the preflight checks on autopilot, and was meters high in the air before the computer's insistent alarm brought her out of her stupor. She didn't have enough fuel to clear the atmosphere, let alone make the jump to hyperspace. Swearing loudly, she flew further and further away, looking for somewhere to land and refuel. Vaguely in the back of her mind she wondered where she'd go next, but it wasn't really her main concern at that moment. She laded clumsily at a spaceport at the edge of the capital city, hands too numb to handle the controls properly anymore. Her voice was entirely steady as she ordered the attendants to refill her tank and handed her credit chip over. They asked no questions, luckily. In the silence of the grounded flyer, her mind slowly started coming back to itself.

It wasn't a vision or a figment of her imagination. She was sure of that. Stephen's gasp of dismay or shock gave it away. He was alive, or his long lost twin had up and joined the Rangers, which she thought unlikely. He was alive. The bastard.

Unbidden, her hand dipped into her pocket and brought out his pin from where she'd kept it all year. She turned it over, her eyes clear and bright as she took in the iridescent green glow of it. She opened the clasp without thinking of it, and it wasn't until the sharp pain and the sight of her blood dripping down her hand made it clear to her that she realized she'd stabbed her left thumb with it. The sting of it decided her. She put the pin on the console in front of her, thanked the attendants and took off again, back the way she came.

The Tuzanor spaceport didn't seem affected by her departure or her return, and Ivanova accorded it equal disinterest. She did notice an official looking Minbari glance at her, then speak urgently into a comm unit. Fine, let them know she was coming. Something in her face made people stay out of her way as she walked down the corridor towards Sheridan's office. The guards at the door tried to stop her, but subsided when they realized who she was, and what she was holding. She looked ready to use it, too. She didn't look around the room as she entered, focusing on one person only. Almost gently, she placed his pin and his pike on a table. "You probably want this back." Her voice held no inflection at all. She looked at him once more, top to bottom, as if verifying his existence, then punched him with all her strength. He went down hard, didn't even try to duck or avoid the blow.

"Susan!"

"Go to hell, John." Still the calm, flat voice, "All of you, go to hell and leave me alone." None of them tried to stop her when she left. But some kindness of luck she managed to find her room with no interruptions. Minbari doors came with locks, and she twisted hers viciously behind her. Then she sank down on her bed, buried her face in her bag, and wept as if her heart was being broken all over again.

The door chime sounded, an indeterminate time later. Ivanova ignored it again and again. She was sure whoever it was had given up and left her to her misery when the door simply swept open. Stephen. She glared at him through a blur of tears. "Get out."

"No." He moved in without an invitation. "I'm getting a real sense of deja-vu here, Susan. Just listen, OK? You don't have to say or do anything, but listen to me." She didn't respond. The doctor sat down on the bed next to her. She had to fight the urge to shove him off. "It wasn't supposed to be like this- we meant to tell you before you ran into him. It was a case of very bad timing." He explained. Her glare turned colder, deadly. She raised a shaky hand to her face and wiped her eyes dry, very carefully.

"You knew."

Franklin raised his hands defensively. "I guessed. I only found out about it when I got here yesterday, but I knew Delenn had him moved down to Epsilon 3 to see if Draal could do anything with the Great Machine." He said all that very fast, seeing Susan push off the bed, "I hoped it'd work, I just didn't know it would take a whole year. He's only been back about a week."

"You knew." She repeated, "And you never told me." She was quite ready to hurt him very badly now.

"You were gone by then, trying to forget him and us. Would it have helped if I told you?" Franklin looked irritatingly calm.

"I don't know! I don't care! You should've told me," She spat at him, "I had a right to know." He frowned at her.

"What right did you have, _captain_? Why do you think you deserved to know? You spent two years pushing him away, trying to build walls between you, and now you want to know everything?" He seemed as angry as she was, quite suddenly, "Just because you figured it out only after he died, you think you have some right to his life? Get over yourself."

Susan stared at him, stunning into silence. "How dare you?" She managed after a moment, "You have no idea what this year's been like! I mourned him, and I'd have gone on doing it if John hadn't forced me here. If I'd known there was still a chance-"She choked on the implications of it all, too big to take in all at once.

"What would you have done?' He asked, disgusted, "Come over and hit him sooner?" He wasn't really angry, but his little outburst had snapped Susan out of her self pity and started her thinking again, hopefully.

"Probably." She agreed forcefully, punching a pillow to avoid punching her friend, "I could kill him all over again, the bastard."

"You realize he had no idea, right? He never asked to be brought back." Franklin stressed the last sentence. "He was willing to die for you, Susan, and you want to kill him? You nearly broke his jaw, just so you know."

"Just nearly? I'm going soft." She grumbled, "Who asked him to die for me anyway? Idiot." She was keeping up the argument out of stubbornness now, knowing the doctor had several good points. She stood up and went to the bathroom to wash her face and get a drink. "You know Stephen, at first right after he died, I was a lot more angry at myself than at him. Now, I'm furious with him, and I'm going to stay this way for a while. Don't try to help, it won't work."

"I know. But you said it yourself- he won't hurt you, and he loves you."

"But he did leave me."

"He did it because he loves you, for God's sake. I wish you could put it behind you. You're getting a second chance here, Susan- take it while you still can." the doctor clapped a hand on her shoulder, "Now come and have dinner with us."

"No way. I'm still too angry to see straight, let alone face John and Delenn." She shook her head. "I'm jet lagged, and haven't had a proper night's sleep in longer than I care to remember. I'll join you tomorrow, maybe." It was the maybe that counted, though the rest of the sentence was entirely true.

"The president won't be happy."

"The president's not my boss anymore. Tell him, respectfully, to stuff it. Now, you're standing between me and a hot water shower, Stephen- do you really want to keep doing that?" Stephen, wise man that he was, exercised the better part of valor and retreated, leaving her alone to shower for as long as she liked, then fall into an exhausted slumber, still angry.


	5. United interchange

A/N: Yes, I'm taking a while between chapters, I know. Let's just say that the final part of this tale is now being edited, with a sequel in the works. This promises to be at least a trilogy, so...To all those wanting to see more of Marcus's inner monologue, I have a small confession- I like writing Ivanova a lot more than Marcus. Whenever I try, he comes out slightly whiny. So there'll be more Ivanova in this here tale. But here's a nice little Marcus bit to start us off, yeah?

Oh- Berry (I think it was Berry)- my NC-17 Buffy fics can be found at Fonts of Wisdom, and the URL is . I'll add it to my author page, too.

"She's not coming." Franklin reported, coming back into Sheridan's office, "Feeling any better?"

"Not really." A large bruise was purpling on Marcus's face, which otherwise looked like the definition of anguish. He had, foolishly perhaps, allowed himself to hope that maybe she'd understand. But as always, Susan had a way of fulfilling all his expectations and letting him down at the same time. And he still loved her. And she- "She hates me, doesn't she? She doesn't even want to listen."

"Not yet, at least. And no, she doesn't hate you." Franklin set himself down on the couch, "Give her a while to adjust to the idea of you being alive- she'll come 'round by morning. And next time, you're the one talking to her."

"Stephen, are you insane?" Marcus asked, appalled, "I've only just come back to life- I'd like to stay alive for a while longer, this time." He deserved anything she did, though, didn't he? No, maybe he bloody well didn't, after all. Maybe it wasn't all his fault. Marcus just didn't know anymore.

"I'm glad to hear that." Delenn commented dryly from her position by Sheridan's desk, "But I agree with the doctor, Marcus. He's pronounced you fit, except for being underweight and short on vitamins- and she will not really hurt you."

"She already has." The Ranger sighed, "The face I can handle, but..." he clutched his pin convulsively, "She really carried this with her all year?"

"Yes." Stephen confirmed. "She really took your death pretty hard, man. Your return, too. Give her time."

"Give yourself time." Delenn added.

Marcus sighed again. Time. He didn't know how long he could stand it.

An insistent beeping woke Susan up. Out of habit she raised her link hand to her mouth and croaked, "Ivanova, go." Before realizing where she was. The beeping continued, piercing in the windowless room. She was on Minbar. And Marcus was alive. "Yes?" The screen cleared, showing Stephen. Stubborn man, Stephen. Could get him into a lot of trouble one day. "What?"

"Are you alright, Susan? It took you nearly ten minutes to answer."

"I was asleep." She growled, searching for a clean outfit. At length she decided that as her doctor, Franklin would be able to handle talking to her in her pajamas. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing- but do you know what time it is?" She looked at the time piece, not understanding until she converted the shorter Minbari day into Earth hours. She gasped.

"It's afternoon? I slept _sixteen hours_?" She squeaked, "Computer, lights, windows." Windows in the adjoining bathroom opened, allowing cool Minbari sunlight to shine through. It was, apparently, a beautiful day. "God, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I guess you needed it. You're looking better already." The doctor smiled, "So, are you coming out today?"

"Is he around?" Susan didn't want to have to ask this. On one hand, she was hungry, and being cooped up inside wouldn't be much fun; on the other, the thought of running into _any_ Rangers, not even that particular one, made her want to simply go back to Earth, get a mission so far from anything civilized that she wouldn't even have to try to forget- it would just happen. She didn't want to have to deal with this. Not yet, anyway. Stephen pursed his lips.

"He's here. He lives here, you know. I doubt you could avoid him. You need to talk to him."

"What I need to do," She replied calmly, "is leave here and forget this ever happened. But I won't. I deserve my time off, and it's a big planet. I'll be out, sure, but I'll be out on my own. There's a whole world outside this compound- I'll have plenty to do." She was determined to enjoy her time on Minbar, ignore Marcus, then leave. A week at the most. "I think I'll go hiking."

"Are you sure, Susan? I think it's a bad idea. You can't ignore this." Stephen tried again.

"Watch me." She commed off before he had a chance to react. It took her three minutes to unpack, another half hour to shower again, and she was out of her room, out of the compound and in her flyer again, heading out. She left a message for Sheridan in case anyone wondered, grabbed a tourist guidebook she'd gotten on Earth at a moment's whim, and flew out towards the capital. Watchword of the day- forget.

Four days passed. During these four days Marcus rejoined the Rangers, starting to get back into shape, pushing himself harder than ever in an effort to ignore the fact that he couldn't, wouldn't, reach for the one he wanted. He needed, desperately, to talk to Susan, but was terrified of it, of her. She didn't want to talk to him, she didn't want to see him, she was angry and he deserved it. The litany kept up in his head all the time, pushing sleep and concentration away, earning him defeats that should never have happened. He was entirely miserable.

Though he didn't know it, Ivanova wasn't doing much better. She'd spent one day out of the compound, then shut herself in her room. She cursed herself for not having the will to leave, but found she couldn't. It was an impossible situation, and driving her insane. She paced for hours, ignored messages from Stephen and Delenn, didn't bother to eat. After three days, her vodka ran out, and of course there wasn't any to be found on Minbar. Things were looking worse.

On the morning of her fourth day on Minbar, there was a new message waiting for her when she woke up. She still wasn't used to the shorter Minbari day, and wasn't sure exactly what time it was, but called it 'morning' anyway. Out of boredom, she played it. Her attention was sharpened, though, when the screen revealed Draal, his face less than happy.

"Trouble, you've gone and done it again. You're making everyone miserable, including yourself. I thought you liked surprises." That was the message in its entirety. She played it again just to be sure.

He thought she liked surprises. He was wrong, and Marcus...he was more than a surprise. He was a shock to every cell in her body. But if it was making him as unhappy as it was making her...And if they called in _Draal_ to talk to her, it must me pretty bad. Besides, she contradicted herself, ignoring previous thoughts, she was _not_ unhappy. Looking at the clock, she realized it was nearly lunchtime. Mentally berating herself for losing every speck of combat readiness she had, she dressed and straightened up her room, and left it for the first time in three days. She intentionally chose an outfit she knew looked good on her. People stared after her as she made her way to Sheridan's office, but no one stopped her. It was a bright, beautiful day, and as Ivanova looked furtively around corners in order to avoid a repeat of the first day, she noticed the drone of chanting voices from various classrooms and remembered that the compound was first and foremost a school, training Rangers to face every nasty thing in the known universe. It made her feel slightly better, for some reason.

The guards outside Sheridan's office stiffened to attention when they saw her, but made no attempt to stop her. She raised her hands to show they were empty.

"It's alright, I'm not here to attack anybody. Is the president in? Is he busy?"

"Always, captain." The human guard replied soberly, "but he said we're to let you in, as long as he's not with people, to avoid any unpleasantness." They both moved aside.

"Smart man." She nodded to the two as she knocked politely. At the invitation to enter, she did.

"Susan." Sheridan nodded from behind his desk, where he was going over some papers. "Feeling better?"

She realized she hadn't even said hello properly yet, but pushed the guilt aside and answered honestly, "Some. Still angry."

He frowned, "Really, captain, how long can you hold a grudge?"

"Longest so far? Since I was eight and still going strong." She smiled, "But I'll get over this one."

"I hope you do." Sheridan motioned for her to sit, "I know it was a shock, but I'm very glad you're here. I'm just finishing here- stay for lunch?"

"You bet." She noticed she was starving. A few minutes later, he was done, and they stood up. Before Susan had a chance to retreat to a safe distance, Sheridan hugged her.

"I've missed you Susan. It's good to see you again."

"I've missed you too," She returned the hug with equal emotion if slightly less force, "And I'm sorry I wasn't there all year...I just, I couldn't."

"I know. It's OK." John hugged her even harder.

"I could become terribly jealous if you don't stop soon, you know." A voice commented from behind them. Susan stiffened but John refused to release her.

"Really, Delenn. She's only just stopped being angry with me- can't I be nice to her?" He winked at his wife over Susan's shoulder. She gave him a look that would've been absolutely nauseating in any couple but them, but was simply sweet and loving for her. When her husband finally let go, she came forward to greet her friend as well, taking her hands in formal welcome.

"My friend, are you truly done being angry?"

"Almost." It was hard, staying angry with Delenn looking at her like that. "I'm willing to put it aside, for now."

"Good. Very good." Delenn nodded, contented. 'Now, are you done here, John?"

"Yes, and starving." He took her hand, "Let's go." Susan followed in their wake, feeling redundant. Those two were so self contained as a couple they needed nothing and no one to complete them- it almost made her envious. She didn't ask who would be joining them, not wanting to know. Her small exhalation of relief at the empty room they entered turned into a hiss when she realized the low table was set for five. She stopped dead in her tracks, feeling panic rising.

"John-"Her voice caught painfully. He put a hand on her arm, which was all that stopped her from bolting.

"Stay, Susan. You need to eat, and you need to talk to him, and you will, here, with us."

"I can't." She choked, "Not yet. I'm not ready." She couldn't breathe, her heart was pounding, "I _can't_."

"You will." Delenn was implacable. "You're hurting yourself and you're hurting Marcus. Four days is long enough for you to dance around each other."

Susan took a deep breath, trying to calm down. She wanted to run, and if anything pushed her into leaving for Earth immediately, this would. But she had to concentrate. They wouldn't let her leave. She would never beg or be reduced to hysterics over Him. She would simply have to sit through lunch and hope for the best. "I hate this." She said bitterly.

"I know." Delenn nodded, "Sit, please." She gently pushed her down to one of the cushions, where she continued to fume for a few seconds, then closed her eyes and ran herself through every non-vocal calming exercise she knew. By the time the door opened again she wasn't hungry anymore, but neither was she heading into a panic attack. She heard the familiar voice and opened her eyes. Stephen had his hand on Marcus's shoulder, just as Sheridan had his on hers, to keep her down where she was. Marcus was a vision of wild eyed, deer-in-headlights fear, and Susan was suddenly attacked by a wave of guilt- was it her fault? Did she really scare him that much? At the edge of her perception she could hear the voice that haunted her dreams rising in anger, having the exact same conversation she'd had with Delenn moments earlier. She was getting angry again as well, come to think of it, tired of being manipulated, even if the others thought it would do her good. She shrugged off John's hand and rose. "That's enough. You're treating us like children. If we want to talk, we'll talk, alright? This isn't fair."

"She's right." Marcus agreed, to her vast surprise. "And when we do," He stressed the 'when', rather than the 'if', "it'll be without an audience." He took a step forward, away from Stephen's restraining hand, "Would you like to have lunch with me, Susan?"

"I..." She hesitated. Now or never, probably. "Alone?" He nodded.

"And somewhere else."

"Yeah." She threw John a dirty look. He looked almost miffed enough to make it worthwhile, "Enjoy your lunch, guys."

"Have fun." Marcus waved. They left the room together, but a good distance apart, careful not to touch.

Sheridan glared after them, then turned to his wife. "Now what?" At the look on her face, he sputtered in outrage, "You knew! You knew this was going to happen!"

"Hoped." She corrected, smiling playfully. "Now they'll talk properly, united against us instead of against each other. We've saved them and ourselves weeks of brooding misery. If we're lucky, they'll work things out."

"What if they don't?"

"Faith manages, Stephen, faith manages."


	6. Coming together mostly Marcus

(A/N- been a while, yes, yes. School's started, so shoot me. I mean that- shoot me before I get eaten by schoolwork. None of them are mine, as ever. Bit of a cliffhanger in this one, but I promise the rest will be along shortly. Thanks to all my reviewers, you rock my world.)

Marcus glanced at the woman walking next to him and experienced again the strange disbelief at his audacity and luck. He was entirely amazed that she'd agreed at all, after avoiding him for four days and the way they'd been before. He didn't want to think about his death and her reaction to it. He'd avoided her as well, giving her time to cool off. He hoped it had worked. He knew she was angry with him- she had a right to be, after all. In a way it upset him that she was angry rather than grateful, but he'd been an idiot and deserved her anger.

They walked in silence, Marcus leading the way first to the kitchens, where he collected a basket of food, then out into the gardens. They found a secluded corner and he sat down on the curiously leafy Minbari grass. She hesitated again, then sat down across from him. For a long while they simply looked at each other, he with quiet admiration and she with an awed expression somewhere between fear and disbelief. As shadows lengthened around them, he took a deep breath and released it in a huff. "So."

"So." she sounded odd. Not angry, just strained, and tired, and sort of...fragile. As if she really cared he wasn't dead. As a friend, he was pretty sure she would, but this sounded like more. "What now?"

"We eat, I guess." He opened the basket and spread out various bits of lunch on the ground. He found he couldn't eat, though, and she didn't seem too interested in food either. They waited. "Or, we don't eat." He said at last.

"We don't eat." She echoed, stared at him for a while longer. Suddenly she burst out, "_Why_, Marcus?"

"Why what?"

"Why the hell did you do it? Who gave you the right? Who asked you to d-die for me?" She demanded, stumbling over the words, her hands clutched into fists, eyes wide and hot, "Why did you have to save me?"

"Because," This was safe ground, no doubts, not turning back now, "I love you."

"You love me." She repeated calmly, her eyes narrowing, "You love me?"

"Yes, damn it, I love you!" He exploded, flowing to his feet to tower over her, "And I'm saying it and saying it and you're not listening!"

"You couldn't have just told me!" She screamed, jumping up to face him, "Three miserable words, and you had to go kill yourself instead? You're the most impossible man I've ever met!"

"I'm impossible? ME?" Two years of frustration bubbled out of him and he took a step closer to her, "Two years I've wanted you, two years I've done my best to qualify for your affections, hoping you'd finally notice, and you pushed me away! How could I say it without you biting my head off? How could I face life without you? I love you, Susan, and I died to save you." He was breathing hard, and there were tears on his face. He stopped and retreated a step, "Of course, I never expected to come back."

"I never expected you to come back either." Her voice shook, "I thought I missed my chance. You...You have no idea what the past year's been like."

"Susan-"She stopped him with a sharp motion and he subsided.

"Don't stop me, please, this is really hard and I'm only going to say it once, and I can't do it if you interrupt, okay?" He jerked his head down once, and she continued. "Let me describe the past year to you- the War was over, and I had my promotion, and my own ship to command, which neatly put together everything I'd ever dreamed of. I spent an entire year not worrying about alien trouble or telepaths messing with my life, just enjoying and exploring space, and everything was alright. And I don't think there was a s-single day I didn't wish you'd just let me die." She paused to swipe at her own eyes, "At first I was furious, with you and with myself and with the world. As months went by, it didn't get much better. I could function, sure, but nothing had any point anymore. By that time I was mostly angry with myself, you see, because-"She took another deep breath, as if coming up against a wall she had to bring down, and his heart skipped a beat, waiting, "I knew how you felt about me." Marcus froze, "Hell, you were never too subtle about it. I knew, and I never said or did anything, because I was afraid. I was afraid you might be it, I was afraid you might not be, and then I lost you." She stopped for air. He still couldn't breathe. "I was angry with you, by then, for making the decision for me, for thinking so little of yourself that you were willing to die just like that. I heard you say you loved me, and I couldn't say it back. I wanted to so much, but I couldn't, and by the time I could it was too late." She sank down on the grass, her shoulders shaking silently.

Marcus didn't know what to think. She knew, and she wasn't going to laugh at him, or push him away. She knew, and she was still here. She knew and- "You would've said it back?" He squeaked.

"Eventually." She sniffed, "It just took a really bad shock to bring me to my senses. I was a total jerk, and I'm sorry. I should've said something, done something, instead of letting you hang like that."

Marcus knelt down on the grass next to her, "You're sorry?" He gathered her into his arms, "I thought you'd hate me."

"I tried." She confessed, "I really, really tried. It would've been easier, but I couldn't." She took his hand and turned it over, running a finger across his palm, "I can't believe you're really here. I keep waiting to wake up back on the ship..."

Seize the day, Marcus told himself again. It had worked before. He prepared himself for a repeat encounter with his Maker, closed his eyes and very gently touched his lips to hers. A simple, chaste kiss, holding all the power of two years of longing. Her mouth opened under his, probably in shock, but he took the opportunity and yes, it was better than anything he'd ever dreamed. Lunch lay forgotten as she retuned the kiss and they explored dreams turned into sudden, passionate reality. "Did I ever do that in your dreams?"

"No." She gasped, "You- you always l-leave right before that..." They were both crying, and he didn't care, holding her and hearing her heart against his.

"I'm here and I'm staying." He promised once her regained control of his emotion.

"I'll beat the crap out of you if you don't."

"I know."

"Excuse me?" A foreign voice interrupted their rapport and pulled them back to the reality of hard ground beneath them and a mid-afternoon sun above. A male Minbari in a Ranger uniform stood behind them, frowning disapprovingly. "There are bugs all over your food. I thought you should know."

"Kethann." Marcus's voice dropped to sub zero in no time at all. "Thank you ever so much for pointing that out." He turned to Susan and kissed her again, "Excuse me for a moment." He stood up, brushed himself off and stomped over to his colleague. Not a friend, Kethann, always just below him in the training results and bitter over it, unfortunately. At least he was a big enough prude not to gossip about it. "What is your problem?" He asked quietly, "I was busy!"

"So I could see." The Minbari nodded, "Me, and half the trainees going to and from classes." He could be so smug sometimes, "If you must indulge, Marcus, then, as the humans say, get a room." He turned away, radiating satisfaction. Marcus growled a curse and stomped back to Ivanova's side, but didn't sit down again.

"What was that all about?" She looked distinctly uncomfortable at the interruption.

"Some people just can't stand to see other people happy." He grumbled in response, "But he did make a few valid points." He picked up one of the boxes and shook off the scuttling ant-like insects on it, "There are bugs all over our lunch, and everyone can see us here. If we don't move somewhere private, gossip is going to be all over this side of the galaxy soon."

"That's...probably true. Move?"

"Uh huh." They repacked the food, cold and wilted by now, and moved inside again. "My quarters?" He offered. She nodded. As they walked he noticed she was keeping her distance again, physically as well as emotionally, walking as far away from him as she could. It worried him, more because he really thought she was doing it unconsciously than anything else. He room was in a different wing of the compound from hers, but it was bigger and better furnished than any room he'd ever had. Susan, at least, seemed to approve of it.

"Rangers live well when they're not on a mission." she commented.

"We try. When you're never sure what tomorrow might bring, you try to make the best of whatever time there is." He shrugged, drawing her into the room, "And maybe lunch is still edible."

She nodded, not really listening but staring at him again. He waved a hand in front of her face, making her jump in surprise. "Susan, tell me what's wrong." He was starting to remember how exasperating she could be, "Please, just...talk to me. Please."

"I..." She somehow ended up on a cushion on the floor again, arms around herself even though she wasn't cold. "It's just too much, too fast. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do, and I hate that." She looked so confused, so helpless that he ached for her, and she still was everything he'd ever wanted. He knelt beside her.

"Susan- sweetheart, take all the time you want. I've waited two years, I can last another day or three." A blatant lie, as it was, but it was important to say it. For her he was willing to try even if it drove him insane.

"No. No more waiting, no more excuses. You could be gone again tomorrow, or I could be, or..." She huffed angrily, "This is really, really hard, Marcus. Everybody I ever loved went away, even you, but you're the only one who came back. I want to make something of this. I want to...to at least _try._"

"We can." He reached for her hand again, and she didn't pull away, "We will. I'm back, and I'm not planning on going away any time soon. I- I asked Draal if this back-to-life business was limited, and he said that I should have as normal a lifespan as was originally planned for me." He explained, thinking of those awful moments thinking he'd be like Sheridan, hemmed in by borrowed time. She drew a sharp breath and he knew he'd hit his mark in her thoughts.

"Is he- are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure." He smiled, "In fact, I feel better than I have in years." The spark was back in her eyes, the worry lines starting to fade as she relaxed again. She held onto his hand like a lifeline, almost hard enough to hurt, but he didn't care.

"You know something? So do I." He wasn't as surprised as before when she leaned forward to kiss him, but it still swept the breath out of him and left him reeling. She bit his lip lightly. "Don't call me sweetheart."

"Noted." He looked around, cursing his idiotic body for calling him up on four days of neglect now of all times. "Um, I hate to mention this, but are we ever going to eat?"

"Yeah." She actively reached for the basket and helped him set stuff out this time. "Hey, this is actual human food- was this prepared for us?" At his nod, she frowned, "Do you think John knows how manipulative his wife can be?"

"I suspect he does. He lives with her, you know. Also, gossip gets around _fast_ in this place, and apparently everyone's been watching our progress with bated breath over the past couple of days. Didn't you notice the stares on our way out, then in again?"

"I was a bit busy at the time." She half smiled. A companionable silence reigned while they ate, free of the strain of before, simply two very hungry people concentrating on the formerly ignored needs of their bodies. They stared at each other as they ate, smiling between bites. Marcus knew he was still wearing an idiotic grin, and her delighted smile, so rare and precious to him, nearly made him choke every time it appeared.

"Think they've started looking for us yet?" The question caught him by surprise, and he felt the beginning of disappointment. Rude of her to pull him down from could nine and into the real world, but Susan had always been practical like that. Then again, so had he, a long time ago.

"I doubt it, or they would've found us already. Why, d'you want to be found?"

"No! I was wondering whether we should move again before the cavalry rides in to save you from my wrath." She was still smiling, and his heart lightened. She really wanted to be with him. In fact, she was still holding his hand. He looked at it in confusion, and she pulled away with an embarrassed cough. "Sorry..." She hesitated again, "Just...I need to make sure I'm not hallucinating you, every now and then.

It's-"

"Sweet." He stopped her, twining their fingers together, "I'm willing to hold you forever, you know." She flushed and he swore under his breath. Too fast, Cole, you're scaring her. Crowding her.

"We're going to have to move anyway." She said suddenly.

"Why?"

"Your bed." She explained calmly as his puzzlement grew, looking at his diagonal Minbari style bed. "I refuse to relieve you of your virginity at an angle. Doubt we could, anyway."

And he was moving too fast? Marcus felt like he'd swallowed a live frog who was suddenly dancing a jig in his stomach. He sounded like it, too, by the questioning squawk he produced. Too fast? She'd blown right past him. And now she looked as if he was the odd one, "Marcus? You alright?"

He coughed, "Susan, did I just hear you say that-"

"If you think I said we should have sex, you heard right." She touched his face again, "Look, I know it's kind of rushed, but...The thing I regretted most, for a short while at least, after you- died- was that I was enough of an idiot to let you die without, um-"

"Boffing me?" He offered around the excited tightness in his throat. Her smile came back full glow, surprising him yet again.

"Precisely. We can have a long, ritualized courtship later if you want, but just in case I want to show you what you've been missing."

"I haven't 'missed' anything yet, honey. We have all the time in the world. Not that right now is a bad time, of course." Now that he'd gotten over the initial shock of it, he was almost delirious with joy, unable to believe him luck yet again.

Another kiss, another bite, "Not honey, either."

"Valen's name, Susan, what should I call you then?" Only she could drive him from delirium to distraction in seconds. They kept kissing, gentle touched falling like rain on parched land.

"You're the only one who only calls me Susan." She whispered right into his ear, "Keep it up." He smiled- it was as accepting a gesture as any he could hope for. "Do we move?"

"The floor won't be very comfortable, I think. Maybe this time a horizontal bed will mean very good luck indeed."


	7. The Big One Ivanova

(A/N: Held too long with that one, didn't I? Terribly sorry. Well, here it is, the scene that nearly made me push the rating up. But it's not really anything, so…Just nookie being had. next part should be the epilogue to this story and the set-up for the next. Have I mentioned I tend to serialize?)

Susan found that she couldn't let go of Marcus' hand for more than a few minutes, or take her eyes off him at all. It made her feel entirely helpless, terrified he'd fade away if she stopped concentrating on him for more than a second. She could only remember one time she'd been like that- right after her mother killed herself. For months she wouldn't let her father out of her sight, latching on to him when he was there until he pushed her away, focused on his own grief, and going into fits of panic if he was away for more than a few hours. Therapy and shutting off her heart helped her get over the anxiety eventually, but it seemed to be back almost as powerfully now. In a way, the slight rush to increase physical contact to a maximum, beyond the obvious pleasures, was a way to help her regain control of herself, maybe even calm that irrational fear. The fact that he looked about as nervous as she felt helped in a perverse way. She drew him into her quarters and close to her. Now that she allowed herself to indulge, touching him felt so good she wonder why she'd waited.

"Relax." She whispered, "You'll be fine. If it helps, I haven't done this in a while either." In fact, she hadn't been with anyone since Talia, and with a man in longer. No, she wouldn't think of Talia, or of any of her failed relationships. Too painful. She hoped she still remembered how it went.

"Yes, that's very helpful Susan." He fretted. "Shouldn't one of us know, at least?"

"Oh, something tell me you'll be a natural." She suddenly realized she could feel his anxiety and nearly dropped his hand like a hot iron. Instead she squeezed it again and bolstered her shields. "We'll take it slow. I might have a flow-chart somewhere that'll help."

He laughed, and it was good to make him laugh for a change, rather than the other way around. "I think I'll manage. If I remember my sordid youth correctly, we're both wearing far too much." He pulled her down to the bed, tossing away boots and cloak.

"Hmm…We are." She agreed. Rusty she might have been, but Minbari clothing, she discovered, were very easy to remove, and soon she had an impressive expanse of space-pale skin to stare at. He was thinner than she remembered. She took her time learning him until he blushed and looked away.

"Susan, you're looking at me like…Like I'm some specimen. Stop."

"I'm looking at a very handsome man who I'm about to screw until he's breathless." She corrected, letting her fingers trail where her eyes had been moments before. His eyes closed in pleasure.

'Oh." He said quietly, "That's alright then." Blindly he reached for her clothes, and she found he was as adept at removing them as at anything else she'd seen him do thus far. The bliss on his face, the sheer astonishment when he finally touched her, was almost laughable, but she held it in. She'd never slept with a complete virgin before, and wanted it to be as special as it could be.

Despite some awkward fumbling at first, it ended up being pretty special. Their bodies came together like a raging storm, weaving together perfectly, moving in tandem as the appropriate thunder and lightning crashed over them in waves. His touch was fire, hers ice, leaving lines they still felt a day later. It left them drained, sweaty, tangled in a mess of sheets and in each other. For a while, nothing mattered.

Susan became aware of the world around her again, twilight, warmth and a pleasant soreness in muscles she hadn't exercised in a while defining the moment. There was also the novel sensation of arms around her, and she lay there for a while, reveling in their comfort. Marcus came out of his little doze minutes later to find her sketching shapes on his chest with the tip of her finger. "Morning. Or evening, rather." She kissed him briefly. He pushed closer, stretching the kiss and deepening it.

"Mmm…Good evening." He was wearing a silly grin. Apparently he liked it too. His hands slid up and down her sides languidly. "You're still here."

"So are you. Planning to stay?"

"Oh, I'm sure I can do my job from here. Delenn wouldn't mind." His grin got wider, which seemed impossible.

She chuckled. "Fine, we'll leave. Eventually." Her hands moved lower, teasing and stroking, "Meanwhile, though-" His interest reawakened quite quickly, "They haven't come looking for us yet."

"Right." He nodded, exploring new territory that left her gasping with pleasure. Now that he'd discovered fascinating new ways to use bits of his anatomy, Marcus set to it with the fabled Ranger perseverance and curiosity. Soon they were both exhausted again, panting and quite unable to move anywhere.

"Enough." Susan rolled away with a groan, "I'm beat."

"Me too." Marcus admitted, disappointed that his failing stamina kept him from further attempts. He had to acknowledge, though, that he had absolutely nothing left and not even a Shadow could force him to move. "We can go again later though, right?"

She chuckled, "Yes, we can go again later. I may have created a monster." She stretched and grimaced, "The bed's sticky, and so am I." Somehow she managed to sit, then stand up and slowly move away from the bed. Marcus, looking at her, made an odd noise, and she turned to look at him over her shoulder, "What?"

"You're beautiful." He said simply, rising and following her, kissed up her neck. Somehow they both ended up squashed inside the shower, and found it fit two, but very tightly. "You're the most beautiful woman I know."

"So you've told me," Her hands were as warm as her voice, smoothing soap on his back. She remembered the early days after his arrival on the station, which sparked a question she thought needed to be asked. "Why?"

"Well, I guess I haven't met enough other women. Not that many pretty ones on mining colonies, you know." She slapped his butt lightly.

"I'm serious, Marcus. Why me?"

He turned to face her, serious as she could've wished. "Asking questions of one's heart is really very confusing, Susan. You're…you're you, and that's all I could ever ask." He kissed her again. "The Rangers have taught me the three basic rules of life- respect, compassion and delight. When I first came to Babylon 5, I notice you- you do tend to stand out, you know. Respect you had plenty, and compassion, but-" Cupping her face in his hand, he forced her to look him in the eye, "You had no delight, Susan. I wanted to show you delight, to make your life just that bit easier. I love you."

"I believe you." It was the biggest compliment she could give him, "And I trust you. And I love you too." For some odd reason, tears filled her eyes and mingled with the shower water. She didn't bother to wipe them away. "Now turn around, I'll do your hair." He laughed, but obeyed, then returned the favor. It felt almost homey. Soon they were both clean and dry and clothed in the remains of whatever they had strewn around the room.

"What now?" Susan asked, pulling the sheets off her bed and hunting for socks at the same time, finding one under the other. "Do we go out?" Do we continue this, become a couple and face the world, or do we move on and pretend it never happened? She didn't want to bring it up or have to talk about it, but it was only fair to ask. She knew what she wanted, for the first time in a long time. She wanted to be with him, grab her chance at happiness away from the mess EarthForce had become. Maybe even rebuild what was left of her life. Marcus thought about it for a while, than half-smiled.

"Short term? We go out, brave the great unknown and several people who'll be greatly amused by us as a couple. Long term? That depends on the next couple of days, I guess. We'll see." He didn't want to move too fast again, or scare her away. Marcus wanted long term. For the first time in his life he found himself considering starting a family. The last thing he wanted was for Susan to go back to Earth and her career, but he didn't say it. It was her life, after all.

"Sounds good. One day at a time." Waiting for something to break and end it badly, but it was better than the alternative. Maybe, just maybe, she could enjoy it this time. The longer term put aside for the moment, she turned back to the here and now. "It's pretty late." it was fully dark outside, and the short Minbari days were playing havoc with her routine. "Would you- d'you want to stay the night?" She didn't think she could bear seeing him leave.

His smile lit up the room and made her heart expand. "I'd like that. A lot. But I need to pick some things up from my quarters first." He grabbed her into a sudden embrace, kissing her hard, "Think you can manage?"

"I'll live." She managed a smirk, "What's half an hour without you now?"

As it turned out, it was almost enough to drive her out of her mind with worry. The moment he was out the door and out of sight, she started pacing nervously, her heart beating far too fast. She tried to force herself into calmness, keeping as busy as she could with tidying the room. Nevertheless, fifteen minutes later she was at the very end of her reserve of calm, just about ready to go after him. A vague sense of duty and a more focused burst of misplaced pride made her call Sheridan's office instead. Despite the lateness of the hour he answered it himself, which didn't in the least surprise her. His face lit up in a brilliant smile when he saw her.

"Susan- we were getting worried. How was lunch?"

"Cold, by the time we got to it, but productive. How was yours?"

"Pleasant enough." He was dying of curiosity but holding back politely- well, almost politely. "So, how's Marcus?"

"None of your business." She wasn't about to share her personal life with him, not when he looked like an eager schoolboy. He had his own love-life, and didn't need hers. Wait- when had she and Marcus become 'love-life'? "Keep out of it."

"Oh, come on!" He tried to pull off the innocent look again, "You're still alive- is he?"

"He's alive." She replied sourly, "And I think we're fine. I hope we'll be fine." If he ever came back, that is. If he wasn't a hallucination, if this wasn't just a dream. Susan grabbed hold of herself before panic could set in again. "We talked."

"Good, good." Sheridan wanted more details- but he wasn't about to get them. She hardened her expression and he retreated gracefully without asking anything else. "Another thing I wanted to ask you, Susan- how long will you be staying for?"

"I've got a couple of months off." She answered vaguely, uncertain of how long she wanted to stay. She thought she knew where this was going, and her suspicions were almost confirmed at his next words.

"I'd like to have a few words with you about that, in private. Tomorrow morning, maybe?"

"No problem." And right then, she'd take him up on almost anything he offered her. But later, she had more important things to worry about. "Whenever you like." She kept sending nervous looks at the door- where **was** he? Was he staying away on purpose to scare her? No, Marcus would never do something this cruel, for all his teasing.

"Come in around nine, local time?"

"Sure." She nodded. If she woke up on time. But yes, having something to occupy her time and thoughts would be good. "We really do have a lot of catching up to do."

"Yeah, we do." He nodded, still grinning like a loon, "Listen, I'm glad you two worked things out but I have to go. See you in the morning?"

"Sure." He commed off and she was alone with the silence again. Twenty five minutes and counting. Distress was turning into anger- maybe he was taking so long on purpose.

Then he was suddenly there, and she had no time to express her anger. His arms encircled her, his mouth on hers, overflowing with apologies between one frantic kiss and the next. A babbled explanation about being waylaid by old friends wanting to greet him and trainees wanting to make sure he was real followed. She was too relieved to be angry, to happy to care about both of them acting insanely. For just that short time, the world was entirely outside their spheres of interest. She still allowed him to apologize for a while before she stopped him with another, slower kiss. "It's okay. Relax, I'm just happy you're here." She was, she realized, in love after all. "Let's get some sleep."

He pulled her down with him, "I sent a message to Delenn with one of the Rangers."

"I checked in with John while you were out." She replied, "I have a meeting with him in-" She checked the timepiece and winced, "Six hours. Sleep."

"Becoming soft in your old age?" He grinned at her and she slapped his arm lightly.

"I'm on vacation, I'm entitled. And the days here are messing up my head."

He nodded at that, "I know. Took me over a week to adjust when I first got here, but we were always tired during the first weeks of training so I didn't even notice until my first mission."

The need for sleep faded as a new path to explore appeared. "Tell me about it. How you joined the Rangers, your life before, everything."

"Only if you tell me about you. I did my checking, but nothing more than your Earth Force record." He admitted shamelessly, and she couldn't blame him. She'd done the same for him, after all. "Turnabout's fair play."

"It's boring, but okay." She'd find a way to skirt around the issue of her telepathy somehow- the relationship was too fragile to risk it with that particular revelation yet. And she wanted to know about him- his family, his life, his likes and dislikes, everything. Sleep was postponed for a while.


	8. Epilogue

(A/N, final and at last: Again, I got slow with the posting, but…that's because I'm already working on the sequel for this. Really, I am. I promised babies, and I shall deliver, no pun intended. Now, my dear, long-suffering readers, it's up to you- pick up our favorite couple a few months from now, or as few weeks/days? Either way can happen. Audience's choice. It's been a fun ride, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.)

"Tough night, Susan?" Sheridan was laughing at her, the bastard. He dared joke about it. And there had been no coffee yet that morning. Susan fought the urge to growl.

"Shut up." She snapped instead, cranky after a night spent talking and loving more than sleeping. How was she to know they'd talk 'til dawn? Once they started they found it impossible to stop, exploring each other's pasts they way they'd explored bodies earlier. The fact that she'd shared everything with him except for her limited extra abilities, Talia included, caused her some discomfort still, at being this exposed, but he'd done the same with his life's tale. Would he still love her if- but Sheridan was still smiling, that infuriating, unbreakable smile of his. "Shut up! It's none of your business."

"Of course not." He replied mildly, "Coffee?

"Please." She reached for a cup gratefully.

Two mugs later, she was feeling more human, and ready to talk. Sheridan started the official part of the meeting by producing a flat piece of bright metal and placing it on the table in front of her. "Here- I want you to have your own link while you're here. Same as the regular ones." It felt good to stick it to her hand again- like coming home.

"Thanks." It meant a lot to be constantly available- it meant she may be needed, as part of the group. It meant he planned on having her around for longer than she first planned on. "I've missed it."

"I thought you might," He nodded, still smiling. "Tell me all about the 'Persephone'," He asked, moving away from the formal and into the personal. "What can she do? How was your year?"

"She's a good ship. My year…wasn't bad." She'd ended up spilling a year's worth of frustrations and bitterness into Marcus's patient ears the previous evening, and didn't want to go through it again. "It was as different as it could be from the Station. The new destroyer class ships are no White Star, but they're impressive. Ugly, but efficient." There, that about covered it. "How was your year, John? Sounds like you've been busy." Let him talk for a while.

"We've had some rough times with the telepaths, the Centauri, the Drakh. We kept busy." He replied, not quite smiling anymore. "I'll fill you in on everything important later."

"Later?" She decided to cut to the chase, "After what, John?"

"Well…" He cleared his throat nervously, "I remember asking you, when you first arrived, how much leave you had. You said three months."

"Yes." Oh, she'd guessed right. A small burst of warm happiness started blooming in her chest.

"How would you like to extend that leave, say, indefinitely?" He offered, the twinkle back in his eye. She gave him a sly, mischievous look.

"Oh? What exactly are you offering, Mr. President?"

"I'm offering you a job, Susan. Move here, be part of the old team again. Take over the White Star fleet for me."

She gasped- that was far more than she expected. He chuckled. "You've done it before, Susan. And it's not much bigger now, and we are, for the moment, at peace. You don't fit in at Earthforce anymore- do you really want to pilot a desk for the rest of your career?" She winced, having him echo her earlier thoughts. She really didn't fit in anymore, not after having done so much outside it. And being back with John, Delenn, _Marcus_, most importantly…

"You know I can't refuse you, John. I don't want to refuse you." She looked straight at him, holding his eyes steadily, "I'd be honored to come back and take whichever position you're offering. But…won't whoever is in charge of the fleet mind?"

"Speaking from close, personal acquaintance with him, I'd say he'd enjoy having that load removed." John's face told her exactly who'd been in charge of the fleet for the past year. "I can't give it to a Ranger- that'd show favoritism. And there's nobody else I'd trust with it."

"Then I accept, wholeheartedly." She said softly, almost floating with happiness. It was a way to have everything she could want- was there a thing as too many good things happening at once? Surely things couldn't be all silver lining? There had to be a cloud somewhere…"Thank you, John."

"Don't thank me- it's a real job, and it'll be real work. That fleet needs training."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She smiled wide, feeling alive again, happy and satisfied with the world. "Can I- oh." She remembered and waved her link-hand, "Does Marcus have one of these?"

"If Delenn's found him already, yes he does." Sheridan confirmed.

"Good. But…I want to find him, tell him face to face." Suddenly she was as excited as a schoolgirl.

"Go, go. We'll talk more at dinner tonight- you're not running out on us this time."

"We'll see." She smirked and flew out of the room, startling the guards and not caring one whit.

She was staying, she had love, and she finally had a real home with friends.


End file.
